Look At Ray's Big Meat

Ray gets all the attention. And poor Angus just can't find a girlfriend.

In all honesty, the number of dirty jokes I could make from this are almost limitless.
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REVIEW: Blue State Coffee- ***1/2 / $$$

Liberal? Conservative? Anarchist? Sexually frustrated? Who cares? Blue State Coffee may have a political agenda, but the superb coffee, atmosphere, and baristi deliver a winning experience that certainly gets my vote.

Open for less than a year, Blue State Coffee charges headlong into an ever increasing crowd of cafes eager to provide Rhode Islanders with their daily caffeine. While quantity is quickly entering the stratosphere, quality... not so much. The number of cafes was going up, and thus you'd expect competition to increase quality. Sadly, it seemed that that tenet of capitalism wasn't taking hold. Owners persisted in thinking that to operate a cafe, one required nothing more than an espresso machine, cups, and some tables.

I'm sorry, but if that's all you've got, don't bother. Go home and come up with something else, because the cafe business is definitely not for you. So many a time do I go into a cafe only to be served a latte that wouldn't pass for acceptable at a Starbucks, and that's exactly the point. Starbucks IS the bar. It is average. It's never bad, but it never truly excels. If you cannot be better than average, than you have no reason to exist. There are Starbuckses...es...'s... Stars-buck everywhere. You have to provide something that they don't.

That's what I get at CofEx, what I don't get at Felicia's, and what Blue State gives in spades.

Blue State's owners have obviously gone whole-hog. The interior is well-finished, large, airy, and plenty of seating and free wi-fi. I liked the edgier, more modern look to the design, as opposed to the wooden, earthy feel of CofEx and many other traditionally designed cafes. Some parts of interior are a bit bare, and the hard interior results in harsh acoustics. Escaping outside is always an option, with the nice, but unshielded from the skies, al fresco area raised from the street. If I was to pick a favorite design, it's still Coffee Exchange or Caffe Bon Ami, but this is certainly pleasant. Blue State has an ace up its sleeves, though: a different personality. Whereas other cafes are content with being just that, Blue State wants to be a vehicle of righteous change/indignation.

Their whole shtick is that they represent the blue (democratic) states as opposed to the red (republican) states. The inside is packed with political books, CD's, shirts, and those tireless warriors of the political battlefield, bumper stickers. They push a variety of liberal points, but thankfully they don't let this intrude on the business of making great coffee. They let it supplement the atmosphere and provide a sense of interaction with the customer. You can vote with small wooden chips as to which charity you want donations to go. You can monitor the progress on an update board situated just above the sugars and creams and look at the vote containers fill with chips. Blue State also advertises, more strongly than any cafe I can think of, their use of fair trade, organic, shade-grown coffee. You certainly can't accuse them of not practicing what they preach. As opposed to the comically hypocritical Cuban Revolution. But as I said, this never intrudes on the business. If you disagree, it doesn't matter, because Blue State is still first and foremost a cafe.

And I liked it because of that. I liked BS... hehe... because it's very much a cafe. It doesn't try to be some restaurant-lite. It's primary purpose is the coffee and some drinks and goodies to go along with the coffee. The selection of goodies is sourced from a variety of local producers, including Seven Stars, but the selection remains pretty thin. They also have an assortment of hand-made waist-enhancers hand-made by locals. These can get pricey, though, with some small cakes hitting $7. These are what push BS from a two-$ to a three-$. Good, for sure, but still expensive, and way too lean for the morning routine. A panoply of juices, waters, and bottled drinks round out the small display and are the exact same drinks and juices you find at every other cafe.

Still, they're just the supporting cast. The real star is a coffee. Unlike so many cafes, BS flies high instead of falling on its face. Given to me was one of the best lattes I've ever had. Again, New Harvest takes some credit -it seems that everyone is using them at this point- but the pull was perfect, the texture of the milk was perfect, and the temperature was also the closest to perfect I've encountered in a cafe, 157 degrees. It didn't have latte art per se, but it was an attractive swirl pattern that made the drink especially attractive. In the world of espresso, the stuff I had was a dead-match for the drinks I regularly get at CofEx. Simply excellent.

So why not four stars, like CofEx? Because CofEx is more than just a cafe. It's a roaster, a supply house, an experience, and let's the belt buckles fly with a wider selection of bagels, cakes, and cookies. Still, even though Blue State is just a cafe, it's a cafe that produces some of the best espresso in the state, and is also more within walking distance of the area of Providence where shit actually happens. For all this, Blue State is well above average, touches brilliance with its drinks, and is one of your best bets for the morning buzz.

Blue State Cafe: ***1/2
Price range for two: $6-$10

http://www.bluestatecoffee.com/


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300 Thayer St
Providence, RI 02906
1-877-626-BLUE (cute)

Hours
Monday through Friday 7:00am to 11:00pm
Saturday & Sunday 8:00am 11:00pm

REVIEW: Felicia's Coffee- ** / $$

Felicia's Coffee calls itself "Rhode Island's ultimate coffee house." They've won awards for their coffee roasts. The inside is fabulously appointed and inviting. They have a wide selection of foods, baked goods, and reading material. And most importantly, it's not very good.

I had been meaning to visit Felicia's for some time. They've been around for well over a decade, and can be considered one of Rhode Island's "super cafes." The inside is huge and, combined with the spacious outside sitting area, is probably Rhode Island's largest cafe. The main room is filled to the brim with fliers for local events, magazines, cereal racks, coffee supplies, and drinks. Out of every cafe in Southern New England that has had the honor of hosting my ass for a time, I can't think of one that had more cool stuff crammed into it than Felicia's. The inside is one of my favorites.

The large display and preparation area takes up a full quarter of the interior. This is not wasted space. They have an enormous selection of available roasts, bested only by Coffee Exchanges, more gourmet, offerings. Those very roasts have also won a number of awards, so if you're on the hunt for locally roasted beans, you must come here. Felicia's makes no mistakes in their support foods, with a wide variety of pastries, baked goods, muffins, bagels, and breakfast stuffs. Everything from brownies to bagels is on full display and looking good.

And good they are. The brownies are dense and fudgy, the danishes were moist, flakey, and buttery, and the pies are very flavorful. I especially liked the danish. More buttery, less flaky, and not as much cheese as some of the others I've had. The scones are good, but low on flavor. I still liked them well enough and would get one again if I felt the need for a scone. The muffins were decent, but the blueberries used were weak, the cake was dry and spongy, and it was in general a below-average muffin. Not bad, but not good either. The bagels are good and the selection is excellent. In fact, the baked goods selection is generally excellent. Cakes, pies, cookies; if you've got a sweet tooth, you will love this place.

It was the quiche where things fell apart.

The quiche was a small, egg cake mixed with spinach. I'm not sure if they were supposed to offer it to me warmed, because they didn't and really should have. It was pretty nasty. Cold and dry, it was like eating an egg-flavored piece of soft rubber. Maybe I should have arrived earlier in the morning to get one fresh, but if they're only good fresh, take the unsold ones and throw them out when they get cold, because this was unacceptable.

And with a place called Felicia's Coffee, so what if the quiche is bad, it's all about the coffee, right? Well, they fell on their face, here, too. Two lattes, two days, both bad. Espresso was decent, with a well-chosen roast, but it was on the weak side with very little body. The lattes on the whole were watery, and the milk was steamed very, very poorly. Just look at the photo. Giant bubbles, a complete lack of texture and sweetness, and, I saw, warm milk as a base. You never, EVER, steam warm milk. It must always be cold. Fat in milk, the stuff that actually makes the boundary between the liquid and air, thus forming the bubbles, is most stable and best at taking on air at low temperatures. If you use warm milk, you will have progressively larger, fewer bubbles that quickly dissolve in the liquid.

The coffee and cappuccino weren't much better. Coffee was watery and bitter. We tried to put band-aids on the cups with milk, cream, and sugar, but to no avail. It just wasn't a very good cup of coffee. The cappuccino was way too milky, and the espresso suffered from the same weakness found in the latte. I was, I'm not kidding, shocked. I was expecting, if nothing else, a good cup of coffee at such a famous place. I was expecting highly-trained baristi capable of whipping up an excellent cappuccino. I really was! Instead, I got drinks that were seemingly made by a rank amateur. Not the worst I've had, that would be exceptionally bad, but nowhere near good.

The selection of things to add to your coffee is pretty well in the crapper, as well, so you can't even cover up how disappointing the actual drink is. Sugar? Check. Milk/cream/H&H? Uhh, nope. They add it for you. Honey, cocoa, cinnamon, turbinado sugar? Nowhere in sight. You'd probably get blank stares if you asked for something exotic, like nutmeg. If you want to take control away from the customer, make sure your drinks are flawless and the recipes interesting. If you are simply providing coffee, let me decide the details.

The poor coffee is a transgression nearly beyond forgiveness. Felicia's is a place that advertises itself heavily on its awards and its coffee. As such, it damn well better be good. You can't say you're the ultimate coffee house and then only have decent baked goods. Get the basics right, first. I like to use Starbucks as an example, here. It is doubly important for any cafe in East Greenwich, since there's a Starbucks right on Main Street. Starbucks is the baseline, the bar, the requirement. They have a decent selection with decent quality. In general, a solid three-star place. If Starbucks offers it, you should. And importantly, your quality better be on par or better, for if not, you have no reason to exist. Here, Starbucks is better in the most important way: drink quality. If Felicia's had given me better coffee, I'd add a full star, but a coffee house with bad coffee just doesn't fly.

UPDATE- 8/23/2008: I am revoking a half-star. I realized after going over some of my other reviews that the rating of Felicia's did not fall in line with other cafes I have reviewed. I feel the downgrade to "edible" is more accurate and fully represents my disappointment.

Felicia's Coffee: **
Price range for two: $6-$10

http://www.feliciascoffee.com/


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5757 Post Rd
East Greenwich, RI 02818
401-886-4141

Hours
Monday through Thursday 6:00am to 8:00pm
Friday & Saturday 6:00am to 11:00pm
Sunday 7:00am to 5:00pm

WTF?

On my recent trip to Portland, I stopped into a retail location for Stonewall Kitchen, makers of all things jammy. I bought a jar of strawberry jam which was very good. Not too sweet, good flavor, fabulous texture; all of the things you'd want from some good, hand-made jam. I have to admit, at the time, I thought the logo was familiar. I just assumed I had come across it online, or something.

No, no. Not online. Very much in person. Stonewall Kitchen is fucking everywhere. Dave's? Belmont Market? Roch's? Yesiree! And here's the really funny part, I paid $7.95 for my jam, placing it at a stunning four dollars more than Smucker's. After much deliberation, I decided that Stonewall wasn't worth that. So what do I find? It's CHEAPER at other stores. A full two dollars cheaper. $5.95 for the exact same jar of jam. Well, that means the retail location is 100% tourist trap.

I have some negative emotions about Stonewall Kitchen, now. Not only did I get ripped off at their own location, but I also got chided by (very nice) employees for trying to take photos. Saying that they were directly told to not allow photographs of the interior; something about their layouts and designs being stolen. Because, you know how espionage is rampant in the cutthroat jam industry. Ridiculous.

As such, I don't think I'm going to buy anything else from Stonewall. A store policy that makes me feel like a criminal and prices aimed at ripping people off don't exactly elicit positive emotions.