Saturday, August 2, 2008

Omaha Steaks Sucks

Well, Omaha Steaks has opened a retail location in Cranston's newest temple of ridiculous, suburban consumption. I had heard of them, and I had a coupon from the newspaper for a rather stupid amount of meat for only $50, so I figured to give them a shot.

Frankly, it wasn't even worth the small amount of money I paid. I bought a bag of amazingly expensive beef jerky which was the toughest jerky I've ever had and peppered to such an extreme it cleared my neighbor's sinuses. The filets were comically small with weak flavor and had a strange, rubbery texture to them. I've never encountered meat that felt this way, before.

The hot dogs were decent, but Hebrew National or Boar's Head are both better. The texture was off, being softer and more mushy than I like. The chicken was chicken, it's really hard to fuck that up. The stuffed baked potatoes were dry as all get-out which overwhelmed any decent flavor they had.

The salmon was overpriced and had a watery flavor. The texture was rather poor and gummy, and it didn't compare at all to fresh salmon from a deli or seafood shop. Maybe this is acceptable if you live in the middle of Nebraska, but we don't. We live right by the freaking ocean.

The hamburgers were adequate. Probably because even crap meat can be turned into decent hamburger. I'd rather buy good, ground beef and make my own patties. Saves me money, and I can spice my own meat.

The best thing to come out of the purchase was a weird, car-care kit that had a flashlight, screwdriver, pliers, (very) small jumper cables, and other bizzare shit. What? I can only assume it's meant as some marketing ploy for me, because unless you like grilling on an engine block (you fucking redneck) the only connection I can see between meat and cars is men. Weird, just weird.


Steph said...

Agreed - Omaha Steaks is really horrible. I never ever would have tried it if my fiance's mother hadn't sent us a big carton as a housewarming gift a few years ago.
Just yuck. The best thing that came out of it was some long-handled grilling tools and an apron!

Anonymous said...

Agreed .... the whole pricing thing was/is a big time scam.I mean really $29.00 for 8 hot dogs laced with MSG.Who would be so stupid to believe that nonsense !! Big time pressure sales schtick if you can believe coming from a meat store.One time offer coupon that miraclously appeared again in my next val-pack.I'm done with Omaha steaks I'll go to a more reputable meat store next time

Aaron MC said...

To purposely put too fine a point on it, America's Test Kitchen did a taste test of meats awhile back and Omaha steaks came in second to last or last in every test. They were only bested (worsted?) in some categories by Stop & Shop's house meats. Truly terrible.

Anonymous said...

I live in Omaha and I can tell you that Omaha Steaks sucks! Do yourself a big favor and take the money you would have spent at Omaha Steaks and go the grocery store. You will get much better quality food for 75% less than what it costs from that loser outfit.

Anonymous said...

Omaha Steaks turned me vegan! YUCK TO THE MAX!