Cocoa Criscos

I have a confession, I still eat hydrogenated oils. I have managed to purge them, I think, from my life in most areas except for one. One food I can't give up. ONE AREA where I give myself a pass. ONE GUILTY PLEASURE! JUST ONE!

Dunkin Donuts' chocolate kreme filled donut. Oh my... GOHD it's bad for you. It has to be! Just look at it! Oh, I know it's chocolate flavored Crisco. I know it's likely the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes. I just don't... fucking... CARE.

Now, I eat donuts on a decently regular basis. Once a month, I would guess. The Chocolate Kreme Filled donut is pretty much an annual thing, though; even I don't push my luck. And it isn't, somehow, the highest-calorie food in Dunkin Donuts. It's not even the highest calorie donut. It's not even in the top five. No, the donut most likely to kill you is the Chocolate Coconut Cake Donut, at a gut-busting 370 calories per donut.

The second highest-calorie item on their menu is the 760 calorie Pastrami Supreme Sandwich, but that's a sandwich, so it doesn't count. It's actual food. No, the items most likely to put you in a Rascal with diabetes are the Sausage Egg & Cheese Biscuit Sandwich or Triple Chocolate Muffin, with an Earth-shattering 800 and 660 calories respectively. If you're a young woman, that single sandwich, without drink, will cover nearly 50% of all daily calories. Suddenly, a glazed donut at 230 calories doesn't seem so bad. And if you think their smoothies are healthy, just read the ingredients on one of these bad boys.

Now, I'm not one to point fingers. I know most of what Dunkin Donuts sells could be better for me, but I choose to eat it anyhow because it's a taste I can't get any other way and, importantly, I WANT IT. I want it, I buy it, and I eat it. And yet, somehow, I still feel a little guilty afterwards. It's because of those damned hydrogenated oils. They're in EVERYTHING. I mean literally, everything. The shirt you just bought? It was made by some eight-year-old in China by pulling threads from a vat of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

Breadcrumbs, BREADCRUMBS, have hydrogenated oils in them. And just because the label says no trans fats, don't think you can believe them. If there is .5 grams or less per serving of trans fats, the company can legally put down zero. The key is "per serving." I don't have ANY evidence to back this up, but I suspect that after that law was passed, the serving size on a number of products mysteriously went down. I was able to find one line of products that used hydrogenated oils and actually admitted trans fats, and that's Keebler Cookies. That they actually admitted the amount, ANY amount, means that those cookied must be made almost entirely out of trans fats.

It borders on impossible to find products without that crap in them. Since the revelations about hydrogenated oils like margarine came to light, I have basically stopped buying cookies. I liked cookies. I want cookies. But the number of cookies that don't have any hydrogenated oils can be measured on two hands, and maybe a foot. What do you have? Oh, the entire Pepperidge Farm lineup? How nice? What do I have? Oh, well, let's see, I have Le Petite Ecolier and the delicious array of organic cookies hand-made with wheat grass by real-life hippies in the mountains of Colorado. Yum.

Where was I going with this?