Freeze!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! I chortled in the food!

I love ice cream, but much like the food critic Anton Ego, from Ratatouille, if I don't love it, I don't swallow. I'm generally unimpressed by fancy-pants big brands (I think Häagen-Dazs is remarkably over-priced) and have yet to find a small brand that makes every flavor very well. One brand has good vanilla, and another good chocolate. I can stomach cookies & cream, my favorite, from a single location: The Inside Scoop in North Kingstown.

And, in my mind, the greatest transgression an ice cream manufacturer can make is crappy texture. Ice crystals, OH ICE CRYSTALS, my nemesis. I've tried home-made ice cream so many times I dare not try and count, and every time I am confounded. Every time ice crystals, millions of the little devils, destroying the smooth, creamy texture that my ice cream so rightfully deserved!

And it's so unforunte that, along the way to my stomach, ice cream experiences so many dangers. The plant may make the ice cream badly. The truck shipping it may be stuck in a traffic jam. The store may leave it out too long, or their refrigeration unit may be overwhelmed by the summer heat. When you think about it, it's an absolute wonder that ice cream ever makes it home edible at all! Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't bother. It's always a crap-shoot. Maaaaybe something bad. Maaaaybe something good. I guess we'll never know!

But wait, look, at this web page, light! Light peering through the darkness of crap ice cream! Could it be! Is it true! no... MORE... CRYSTALS! Oh please let this be true. Because, right now, If I want ice cream of any quality whatsoever, I am forced to go to local ice cream places. That's great in the summer, when they're all open and fully stocked, but winter brings the 'closed for season' signs that signal to me no more ice cream until April. This breakthrough could bring salvation to all ice cream lovers. I say again, let it be true!

New Antifreeze Improves Ice Cream (Livescience.com)